I did it...

Okay, I did it. I decorated for fall. Now I feel better. And the evening air is even cooling off a bit, so I can now sleep with the windows open. Just when I thought I could not take it any more, I don't have to. Yay!

We had a very nice weekend listening to conference. I love general conference. I wish it were at least every 3 months--"quarterly conference" we could call it. But my deepest conference wish would be to have it monthly. We could just skip fast and testimony meeting and listen to the Prophet instead. How edifying would that be?

I'm thinking I might be a malcontent. I typically wish that the things I like could be the standard in my life. I spend a good deal of thought processes trying to figure out how to make things the way I want them to be. But life is just not that way. I guess it can't be--if it was, where would the test be?

One of President Monson's talks today (or yesterday, I don't remember) was about being happy and finding joy in today. He talked about how much we will miss the toys laying around and the mounds of dirty laundry (I don't know about that one) after our kids are gone. Other than the laundry thing, I can see that. I watch my kids getting bigger everyday and it's exciting, but it makes me sad too. I don't want them to grow up and leave. I kinda like them. With all the noise and nagging and messes and expenses, they give my life purpose and meaning.

When I was young and ambitious I used to think I was going to grow up and change the world. I wanted to be a famous journalist (with my political beliefs, I doubt I'd have gotten very far). I wanted to be where ever the action was and be first to know what was happening in the world. I wanted to be a great writer and influence leaders of nations. As I got a bit older, my desires began to change some and I developed a yearning to know what the Lord wanted me to do with my life.

When I met and started dating Jim, there came a moment when I knew that marrying him would alter my life and probably detour my career ambitions. With that understanding, I chose him anyway. Not long after we got married, when I found out I was expecting our first child, an acquaintance from the newspaper where I had worked lamented to me, "I always thought you would really go far--you had so much potential." As if with my pregnancy I had ceased to exist, right there in front of her. That comment really stuck in my craw, so to speak. And as the months of my pregnancy went by, I mulled it over and over.

One day as I beached my enormously pregnant self on the couch and picked up my scriptures, I read a particular scripture that opened my eyes for a brief moment. I don't remember the verse or even the story. What I do remember is having impressed upon my mind the pure, simple knowledge that what I was doing by becoming a mother would, in fact, change the world. That I was doing exactly what the Lord wanted me to do and that I would be a far greater force for positive change in the world as a mother, than any other thing I could do with my time, talents or ambitions.

That knowledge, that understanding made all the difference to me. And it has never left me. Sure, there have been times when I've felt like a failure. When I've felt overwhelmed and under-appreciated. When I've been discouraged and frustrated and felt stagnant. But always, I have been able to fall back on the knowledge that I was on the Lord's errand, with His approval of my life's direction. I know that my work as a mother is changing the world for good. And that knowledge has pushed me forward and picked me up during difficult times.

I went back to the newspaper for a reunion when my oldest two girls were little. It had been five years since I'd left that path and veered off on my current one. I was reflecting back on the great times I'd enjoyed there and feeling a little bit sad as I walked through the bookstore on campus; when I saw a little pair of ceramic baby booties in a display. Suddenly, looking at those tiny little baby shoes, I was reminded of the choice I'd made and the promise I'd received from God that I would do more good as a mother than any other occupation I could have chosen. I bought the booties and have put them on a shelf in 3 more babies rooms since. Whenever I look at them, I am reminded of my potential as a mom and I'm encouraged to do a little bit better.

Just thought I'd share that little story. I'm very grateful for the rich and abundant blessings I have and wouldn't trade my life thus far for any syndicated column or anchor seat in the world.



Especially now...cause journalists today suck!